From the moment my feet hit the floor each morning I feel it tugging at my barely conscious mind, ready to attack at a moment’s notice. I try to block it out, fight it, curling my lashes and fixing my hair just so and getting on with my day.
See, anxiety is invisible, a silent monster that feeds on every movement you make and every insecurity you didn’t even know you had. It second guesses and humiliates and exhausts. The littlest thing can set it off and I’m overthinking the way I said hello to this person and do they actually like me and remember that time three years ago someone said this to me and WHY CAN’T I STOP THINKING?
Even on my very best days when I feel most content and happy and alive it’s there, waiting to attack again. Like an ex calling you just when you’ve moved on. I can’t make it stop & my chest is tight & my legs feel like they’ll give out at any moment. Like I’ll give out.
I feel defeated and a sense of guilt I can’t explain. I apologize to God, I’m sorry my brain won’t let me stop worrying. Why doesn’t it stop?
I don’t think it will. I think I just have to curl my lashes and get on with my day, with my life.